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  • Infants practicing on mom's high heels.
    By: HAYNES DARLINGTON

    Summer was once again approaching and while unlike the anticipation and eagerness I usually enjoyed each November, as I journeyed to my Caribbean retreat for my fix of ultra violet rays, yet there was something almost homeopathic and calming about the aging hammock with a good book and the almost deathly silence of summer by the lake.

    On my usual November trip south, the captain would put us through the “g force” as he challenged the physics of gravity prior to lift-off. I often thought how Albert Einstein could have ever imagined what it would have been like to travel along side the speed of light when my main concern was focused on whether this de-iced 700,000 lbs monster would continue to gain altitude. However as true to form the falling leaves of red and gold faded into white fluffy cumulus which seemed to be void of density as the shining machine sliced through them as effortless as a knife through butter. There you go.

    Life above the 49th parallel had lasting memories for me. I lived the best of both worlds. Snow shoveling was replaced by an early walk where I summonsed my younger balancing skills at playing hopscotch through the sharp edged seashells being caressed by each gentle wave. In contrast, summer was spent mostly reclining in a hammock which over the years had formed itself like a large latex glove around my girth with each increasing year. This posture allowed me together with my book of the day to blend in with the sparsely placed pine furniture in the large and opened verandah which surrounded the cottage on three sides. open and almost oblivious to the distant hum of a power boat on the lake.

    Winter, albeit relaxing and therapeutic, was in deep contrast to the silence one experienced on most lakes north of the 49th parallel. The mere experience for most northern tourists to afford a Caribbean vacation was seen as a right of passage to gave way to any Freudian inhibition which may have not been completely resolved. In addition, there was the cooling and refreshing rum punch mixtures added to the rhythmic sound of the “steel band” made it a powerful prescription of feeling entitled to shed not only one’s pent-up stress, but at times parts of their already skimpy apparel. This resulting atmosphere is what most scholars of psychology refer to as the emerging passive-aggressive behavior. There you go.

    In preparation for my summer retreat during the month of June, I was like the proverbial bull in the china store as I maneuvered my mini shopping cart from aisle to aisle through my favorite book store. This store offered an atmosphere not unlike a trade show with rows and rows of draped individual small tables throughout the aisles which seemed to add that much more square footage to advertise and promote authors and new releases. These arcades and display tables were managed independently by their own sales associates, a title by which they preferred to be addressed. There you go.

    It was noticeably busy for a mid week morning in June. I carefully rechecked my BlackBerry organizer which for the most part tagged along with me like a faithful poodle with its unconditional love. From to time it would vibrate or other times it would emit a childlike whine to inform me of some event I had previously entered and may have completely forgotten about it. I lovingly referred to it as my dementia levee which faithfully protected any memory cells from overflowing my aging brain’s levee. A tap or two on the sensitive touch screen revealed nothing exceptional or urgent other than a memo to remind me to make a date to see the movie “Sex and the City” With Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall. There you go.

    Why then was this excessive marketing atmosphere so evident throughout the store? Did the book industry secretly generate a Tiger Woods’ moment of mass marketing? This certainly would have been the best kept secret, yet the solution was facing me right between the eyes. Historically, increased activity at book stores and movie houses has proven to be an accurate and reliable early leading indicator of impending recession as people at large have more free time. Ironically some business benefit from recession in the same way as the demand for steel increases during periods of war.

    Suspense novels are my passion and among others there were two on my short list – namely “A prisoner of birth” by Jeffrey Archer and “The Pillars of the Earth” by Ken Follet. I also keep in touch and have a burning desire to be current with professional journals and especially editorials which, with some basic writing skills and strategetly placed references can be confused as scientific material.

    Over the many years of reading, I have developed an almost Sherlock Holmes analytical personality for articles. No more so than dentists are impulsively attracted to “the work” on one’s teeth or an architect inspecting the symmetry of a well placed keystone. These editorials/articles can often be detected by the format of their presentation, which is usually in the form of a question rather than the more accepted form of peer reviewed scientific study complete with investigating phenomena or purpose, an accepted methodology protocol and a conclusion. The pure sciences are becoming more and more diluted as such editorials begin their long “hear-say” or gossip walk through the hallowed corridors of famed teaching institutions. Such articles presented under the guise of scientific material are for the most part self serving and do little to advance clinical efficacy with less unforeseen mishaps.

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